I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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