this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just want nice things and good sex
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
