what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
