this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
