Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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