So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
