Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
