got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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