I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
