I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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