I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
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She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
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Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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