3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he puts the penis in happiness.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
