he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
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She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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