my being single is dangerous.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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