she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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