Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
