if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
