ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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