I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize