i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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