I want to have your abortion
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
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I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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