Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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