how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
