So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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