You're a womanizer and a bitch.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He felt like a one man threesome
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
