Non-Jews are for practice
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
