Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
