i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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