i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
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