my sisters under your porch take her home
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
