You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
