i just had sex bonerless
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
