This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
