Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
