the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
