I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
