His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
