i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The cops high fived after they tackled you
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
