I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
