Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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