Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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