Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize