she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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