You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
