He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
