I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need a beard to bite.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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