I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize