i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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