Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
