FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
