Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
