New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
