I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
