Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
