you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
