so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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