Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
