About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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