I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
