I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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