the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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