Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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