Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
