I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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