weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
