I will die if light touches me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
